I'd Still Choose You

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the resurgence of the unfounded myth linking autism to vaccinations. It has always lingered in the background, but now it has forced its way into mainstream conversations—an unwelcome guest in the autism and autism-supporting communities.

As much as I wish I could ignore this misinformation and shield Dawson from it, I know that one day, his curious mind will hear something and ask questions. At some point, I will have to explain to my son that there are people in this world who refuse to accept the way his brain works and the way he experiences life. So much so, in fact, that they are willing to risk their children’s lives by exposing them to dangerous and preventable diseases rather than accept that autism is a natural and valuable way of being.

But here’s the thing—Dawson loves being autistic. He loves that he sees the world differently, and so do I.

So Dawson, even if vaccinations did cause autism (which they don’t), I would still choose you.

During those difficult early days when we struggled to understand your needs, when frustration and meltdowns filled our days, when we fought to help you regulate, I would still choose you.

When we searched tirelessly for sensory tools to support you, testing countless fidgets, chewable items, and weighted blankets, I would still choose you.

Every moment we’ve had to plan three steps ahead to help you mentally and socially prepare for an event, I would still choose you.

Every meeting where we advocated for your needs, ensuring you received the support you deserve, I would still choose you.

The hours spent reading books, attending trainings, and listening to podcasts, all in an effort to better understand and support you, I would still choose you.

The frustrating moments of trying to complete homework together, when our brains process the answers in completely different ways, I would still choose you.

On the tough nights when your anxiety is overwhelming, when your weighted blanket isn’t enough, and you need the deep pressure of my embrace to feel safe, I would still choose you.

Autism wasn’t something we anticipated as part of our journey, but I would take every difficult moment, every challenge, every lesson, and every tear—both joyful and painful—over and over again. Because you are worth it. I would choose to have a child with autism because you bring immeasurable beauty to my world and to the world around us.

I will never understand why some people choose not to vaccinate their children out of an unfounded fear of autism. But I hope that one day, they will learn to accept and appreciate the incredible gifts that autistic people bring to the world.

Because I would still choose you. Every time.