To The Mother of the Newly Identified

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege and honor of speaking at the Oklahoma State Autism Conference. This was my first official speaking engagement as A Spectrum of Support, making it a significant milestone for me—a step beyond my state, my comfort zone, and my routine.

Sharing your life story, experiences, and family journey always comes with a layer of vulnerability. Yet, each time I present, I am reminded of the power of storytelling and the value in sharing both the struggles and triumphs of this path.

As I concluded my talk, I invited questions from the audience. The room was quiet, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I had connected with them in the way I had hoped. Then, just after I thanked everyone for their time and received applause, which signaled the end of the session, a young woman approached me, her eyes brimming with tears.

She shared, in a soft voice, that her son had recently been identified as being on the autism spectrum. She thanked me for openly discussing the hard and beautiful moments of those early days. In that instant, I felt an unspoken bond—a connection forged through shared experiences and mutual understanding.

I offered her a hug—something I know I would have needed in her shoes—and she embraced it. Though our exchange was brief, her impact lingered in my heart and mind long after she left.

For weeks, I’ve reflected on what I wish I could have said to her in that moment—what I wish I could have told myself five years ago when I was in her place. Now, I’d like to share those thoughts with you.

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Allow Yourself to Enjoy Your Child

In the early days, it’s easy to focus on the behaviors and challenges that prompted their identification. These needs often overshadow the unique and beautiful gifts your child brings to the world. But amidst all the calls home, behavior needs, and growth goals, don’t forget to simply enjoy them.

One memory stands out to me. Dawson had been working on staying safe when dysregulated, but the week had been rough—for him and for us. Every single day brought challenges, and by Friday, we were all exhausted.

That afternoon, I picked him up from daycare, fully aware it had been another difficult day. But instead of letting the weight of the week overwhelm me, I made a decision. I pulled into the gas station and bought us both hot chocolate.

We sat together, savoring that moment of joy, talking about the things that made us happy. It wasn’t about rewarding behavior; it was about celebrating him—about celebrating us. Even now, five years later, I look back on that afternoon with a smile.

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Trust the Power of Time

If I had known back then how much growth and progress Dawson would make in just five short years, maybe I would have worried a little less (though, let’s be honest—I probably wouldn’t have).

Time is a powerful ally. It allowed my husband and me to better understand autism and Dawson’s unique place within the spectrum. With time, we learned how to guide and support him academically, socially, and emotionally. Dawson, in turn, matured and began to understand himself and his world more deeply.

Growth takes time—and a lot of work—but it’s worth it.

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Do Your Research

Informed advocacy is crucial, and it starts with being informed. To understand autism and how it specifically impacts your child, you need to dive in.

Over the years, I’ve read countless books, articles, and blogs. I’ve connected with incredible professionals and sought out resources whenever new challenges arose. I’m still learning because there is always more to understand, and Dawson continues to grow and face new hurdles.

Research will provide answers, guidance, and moments of hope. It’s one of the greatest tools you have.

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Don’t Listen to the Haters

As Taylor Swift wisely says, “Haters gonna hate.” But here’s the catch—not all “haters” look like haters.

Sometimes, criticism comes from well-meaning people who simply don’t understand. If someone continually points out what’s “wrong” or “weird” about your child, it’s not helpful—and it’s not kind. Surround your family with love, understanding, and support.

If someone is uninformed, teach them. If they’re unaccepting, it’s okay to set boundaries. Your child deserves an environment where they are celebrated for who they are.

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Love Them for Them

The most important thing you can do is love and accept your child exactly as they are.

Children on the spectrum are constantly asked to adapt to a world that often doesn’t accommodate them. They deserve a safe space where they can simply be themselves.

Learn about their interests, embrace their passions, and find joy in their unique perspective. Let them know—again and again—that you love who they are as an autistic person. This will teach them to love and accept themselves.

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I’m still learning every day. There are still moments of doubt, exhaustion, and heartache. But if I could go back and tell myself five years ago all that we’ve achieved as a family, I think I’d sleep a little better, cry a little less, and smile a little more.

To the mother of the newly identified: you’re not alone. You’ve got this.

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You’re Not Alone—Let’s Navigate This Together

If you’re at the beginning of this journey or anywhere along the way, remember that support and community make all the difference. At A Spectrum of Support, I’m here to offer guidance, share resources, and provide a listening ear for moms like you.

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Together, we can turn uncertainty into confidence and challenges into opportunities for growth. Let’s celebrate the hard and beautiful moments—because every step matters.