Adult Adaptations

I remember a moment of pure revelation as an adult and wife: My husband and I had been continually taking hangers out of each other's closets to use for our own clothes. I would become so irritated and frustrated by this situation, and at times it even caused arguments.

Then one day, I realized I was approaching the situation all wrong. I wasn’t addressing the underlying problem: we didn’t have enough hangers. 

So, I bought more hangers. 

It felt silly that it had taken me so long to think of a proactive solution or even to understand the root problem, but once I solved it, the issue never happened again.

But adults are rarely adaptable—hence the hanger incident above. 

Our first instinct is generally not to ask, "How can I change to prevent this situation?" because it's uncomfortable to consider. Unfortunately, this mindset often leads adults to expect children to adapt to situations rather than adjusting the environment to support the child and their needs.

This past winter, I found amazing success by doing just that (ironically, with hangers!).

---

One day, I went into my youngest child's closet to grab his laundry basket and became frustrated by the mess. Once again, he had taken most of his shirts out and laid them on the closet floor. I couldn’t tell what was clean or dirty, and I was annoyed that the shirts I had recently folded were now an unfolded mess. Since this had become a regular occurrence, I decided to ask him about it before reacting. When I inquired why his shirts were always on the floor, he explained that he liked to see them when choosing his clothes, which he couldn't do when they were folded.

So, I adapted.

I asked if it would help to hang up his shirts instead of folding them. When he agreed, I also set the expectation that clean shirts should no longer end up on the closet floor. However, I knew I couldn't skip a crucial step: teaching him how to use this new system. Since he is responsible for putting his laundry away, I taught him how to hang up his shirts properly, how to remove them without stretching the necks, and how to move unused hangers to the front for easy access when putting clothes away.

Since then, his closet floor has been generally cleaner. I don’t expect perfection—that wouldn't be fair. I also don’t fold his shirts anymore, which serves as his reminder to hang them up.

However, this small adaptation led to an unexpected improvement.

While I was focused on reducing the closet mess, this change also helped him pick out his clothes and get dressed much faster. For the last year we had struggled with his 30-minute dressing time, often assuming he was getting distracted and giving him constant, yet often ineffective reminders. But after adapting how he accesses his clothes, he now gets dressed in a fraction of the time.

Reflecting on this experience, I realize that when I am willing to adapt as an adult, it empowers my child to be more consistent and accountable.

Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. How might you adapt today to better support your child’s growth and independence? Sometimes, the smallest change can create the greatest impact.