The Power of a Single Word

One of the most challenging — but critical — aspects of being an educator is the constant need for reflection. In this role, you’re regularly placed in situations where you have to think on your feet, do the best you can with the knowledge you have, and learn from your mistakes. It’s humbling and, at times, overwhelming. Yet, I’ve found that these moments of reflection have profoundly shaped who I am and how I support others.

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It was my third year of teaching, and I had just moved to a new school where I knew no one and had no established relationships with the families. My class was full of eager, sweet, and loving kindergartners — some of whom had very strong personalities.

During this year, I began to connect with parents and learn about the community. There was one set of parents in particular with whom I quickly bonded. Their laid-back, humorous outlook on life made me feel at ease. Whenever their daughter did something cute or funny, I’d share it with them, and we’d laugh together. I felt comfortable with them and enjoyed our growing connection.

But one word changed everything.

Their daughter was a strong and determined child, even at the age of six. She knew what she wanted and often asserted herself among her peers. Like many children, this sometimes led to conflicts. One day, I noticed that these interactions were affecting her relationships, so I decided to address my concerns with her parents. Feeling at ease with them, I thought a quick, casual email would be the best way to start the conversation and work together to support their daughter.

And that’s when I used the word — the word that altered our relationship.

In the email, I described my concern and mentioned that their daughter was being "bossy" with her classmates. At the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with using this term. Given the comfortable rapport I had with her parents, I assumed they would understand and we’d work through it.

However, words have power. The word “bossy,” which I had used so casually, carried more weight than I had anticipated.

The mother’s response took me by surprise. She wrote that while her daughter had a strong personality, labeling her as "bossy" was unfair, especially at such a young age. I’m sure there were more details in her email, but the message was clear: they no longer trusted me as a partner in their child’s education. I immediately apologized and tried to explain my intentions, but the damage had been done. That sense of comfort and trust we had developed was never the same.

As a professional, I had two choices: blame the parents for being overly sensitive, or reflect and learn from the experience. To be honest, I did a little of both. At first, I felt defensive — how could they possibly think I meant anything negative? But as I reflected, I realized I could have approached the situation in a much more constructive way. Rather than using a word that felt critical, I could have framed the conversation around her daughter’s leadership qualities and the opportunity for growth.

If I had to address a similar situation today, I would highlight her strong ideas and leadership potential, and then challenge her to grow by considering others’ ideas as well.

I wish I could say that this story had a happy ending — that the parents accepted my apology, understood my intentions, and rebuilt trust in our partnership. But I can’t. That one email tarnished our relationship, and I often wonder whether they requested a different teacher for their younger child, as they were not in my classroom their kindergarten year.

Still, this experience wasn’t wasted. In fact, it made me a stronger teacher early in my career. It taught me to be more mindful of my words and the impact they can have.

Since then, I’ve always been conscious of the power a single word can hold.